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Episode 420 - A Non-Euclidean Nightmare

Kate Aurochs, I believe

Information
Release Date: August 23, 2021
Recording Date: August 17, 2021
Episode Length: 1:12:17
Cast & Characters
Michael DiMauro: Dungeon Master
Tim Lanning: Toby Treacletart
Jennifer Cheek: Rowan Grey
Mike Bachmann: Skud Derringer
Nika Howard: Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain
Guide
Previous Episode: Next Episode:
Episode 419 Episode 421


Wow… 420 main episodes (and maybe a few early mailbags that we gave numbers to before we stopped that), can’t believe we made it this far. I also cannot believe that our heroes have entered into the throne room of Baphomet. Yikes! This room sucks.

Story[]

Long Story[]

The Tower of Grey find themselves standing before a set of huge double doors, about 30 ft tall, made of an ebony wood, and with Adamantine banding. They don't have much planning to do, so Toby, with his surprising strength, kicks the door open. The room inside is... well, it's weird. It's Non-Euclidean, and makes little to no sense. It's could be described as being cube-like, about 100 ft3. Some of the torches lining the wall are upside down, and are burning upside down, as well. But the real focus is in the center of the room, where sits a massive, Escher-esque throne, made of an "unholy geometry". And sitting on that throne, is Baphomet himself.

Standing at 30 ft tall, Baphomet is Satanic, literally. He's goat-like, and intimidating, generating a Frightful Presence all around him. He's got 6 horned prongs protruding from his head. And he's holding a massive cleaver, the better to cleave you with. Yikes. The battle begins.

It quickly becomes apparent that the Non-Euclidean nature of this hellish landscape is meant to fuxt with our heads. And so it does! Baphomet is able to teleport all around, but even so, he is at no point too far away to make attacks upon. This is taken advantage of by Hoby, who bites, maces, claws, etc. to tear at the beast. Lahni, for her part, runs up the creature, landing a devastating amount of blows upon him. Rowan, too, sends arrow after arrow his way.

Not long into the battle, Baphomet, the fiend, summons to his command 10 Minotaur Skeletons, who begin to pile on poor little Hoby. Fortunately, they aren't terribly health-some, and so between Lahni's punches, Toby's Lightning Bolt, and Adira's Chain Lightning, they are made short work of. Baphomet, on the other hand, proves to be more challenging. He zips and zaps around the room, cleaving at anyone who attacks him. Toby summons a Celestial Avenger, who seems to have a bitter history with Baphomet. This Avenger (Hawkeye) shoots ice arrows at the demon. Skud draws a card from his Deck of Many Things, one of his last 5 (well, 6 if you count the bean) cards. Aaaaaaaand, it gives him 12 more cards. This brings the deck up to 16 cards (since drawing that one brought it down to 4, then 12 were added), and one magical bean, which may or may not be in the shape of a card. So, 17 total. Anyway, Skud also summons his Spiritual Weapon in the shape of the Deck of Many Things, so, that's fun.

Hilariously enough, it's this tiny Deck that ultimately deals the killing blow to Baphomet, proving that it's not the size of the deck that matters, but how you use it. After Baphomet is defeated, a glowing chest is revealed...

Short[]

Baphomet. Bad news. Big battle. Other B words. 10 Minotaur Skeletons show up and pile up on Hoby, but a series of magical lightning blasts take them out. The real meany is Baphomet, who uses a massive cleaver to cleave the various members of the Tower of Grey. Skud draws a card that adds 12 more cards to the deck (bringing the total to 17, one of which is one of Lahni's magic beans). He also summons a Spiritual Weapon that ultimately kills Baphomet. And then, there's a glowing chest in the room...

Trivia[]

  • Non-Euclidean essentially just means, "weird"
  • Hoby's AC is 19
  • Skud's is 22
  • Skud now has 17 cards, one of which, is a bean

In This Episode...[]

Cast and Player Characters[]

Non-Player Characters[]

Pets/Familiars[]

Locations[]

Inventory[]

Toby Rowan Skud Lahni Others General Inventory
Robe of Stars[241]
Broom of Flying[299]
Crystal Ball of Telepathy[299]
Sending Stone[353]
Dossier on a Warehouse Owner[356]
Diary/Letter opener of Silga Darvo[357]
Scroll of Teleportation {x2}[374]
Leather Helmet[379]
Doug the Astral Dreadnought[381]
Treasure Map on the back of a portrait of Burt Ballista[382]
Rare books {x3}[382]
The Arcane Grimoire, Tsugrix Zelentiri[387]
Alchemy Jug[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x1}[392] - (one given to Lahni)
Bag of Holding[406]
2 Potions of Growth[409]
Potion of Supreme Healing[409]
Oil of Sharpness[409]
Mummy Rot Antidote[409]
Hand of a clone of Bigby[412]
Hand of a clone of Celtra Wimblepuck[412]
Hand of a clone of Thom Vidalis[412]
Greatsword of Lifestealing from a clone of Thom Vidalis[412]
Oathbow[234]
  • Arrows of Dragon Slaying {x2}[349]
Dancing Rapier[241]
Eyes of Charming[299]
Sending Stone[353]
Kevimp McBallister's groin shotgun[354]
Bag of Infinite Chicken Fingers[369]
Leather Helmet[379]
Rowan's Tattoo[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
Potion of Supreme Healing[409]
Oil of Sharpness[409]
Gold Bone Coin that lets him enter the Bones championship[255]
Heavy Armor, atop of his robe, adorned with fish[349]
Sending Stone[353]
Longsword of Wounding[354]
Water Badge[371]
Earth Badge(s)[378]
Air Badge[383]
Leather Helmet[379]
Deck of Many Things[387]{16 cards + 1 bean}
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
Potion of Supreme Healing[409]
Hank, the Draft Horse[409]
1 Shield (+2)[409]
Ferret Wine Ferret[253]
Bag of Beans[274]
Boots of Phasing[299]
A Longbow[349]
Sending Stone[353]
Leather Helmet[379]
The Caplain's Secret Ferret Pie/Cake Recipe[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x1}[392] - (drinks one)
Potion of Supreme Healing[409]
2 Potions of Sharkness[sic][409]
29 Watermelon, 7 of which are magic potions, and 1 is poison[419]
Adira Harper
Winged Boots[410]
"Several" Potions of Fire Resistance[349]
Potions of Haste[349]
Dark Blade[352]
More Sending Stones, just in case[353]
Potions of Underwater Breathing[365]
Bag of Infinite Burgers[369]
Bag of Infinite Moscow Mules[369]
The BTS[380]
Tuning fork for each plane (except for Mount Celestia and The Abyss)[412]

Quest Log Updates[]

Quotes[]

  • "That's fucked up! That's non-euclidean!" ~ Toby Treacletart
  • "'Who would think I would fight--' What's the Lord of the Rings quote? 'I'm doin' a Lord of the Rings quote at you!'" ~ Tim Lanning
    *"And my axe!" ~ Jennifer Cheek

Rolls[]

  • Recap
    • Bachmann - 19 - re-rolls - Nat 1
    • Tim - 19 - re-rolls - ?
    • Nika - 7
    • Jennifer - 11

Combat Begins vs Baphomet


  • Initiative
    • Baphomet
    • Toby - 19
    • Adira Harper - 15
    • Rowan - 12
    • Lahni - 10
    • Skud - 6

Round One


  • Baphomet
    • Takes one step forward, and then is suddenly behind them
    • Melee Attack (Cleaver) vs Rowan - 30
      • Hit - 21 Slashing damage
    • Melee Attack (Bite) vs Toby - 33
      • Hit - 19 Piercing damage
    • Melee Attack (Gore) vs Skud - 36
      • Hit - 17 Piercing damage
    • Uses Frightful Presence, requiring everyone to make a WIS Saving Throw
      • Skud - Nat 1
        • Fail - He is frightened
      • Toby - 18
        • Success
      • Lahni - 24
        • Success
      • Rowan - 15
        • Fail - She is frightened

  • Hoby
    • Melee Attack (Bite) vs Baphomet - Nat 20
      • Hit - 20 Piercing damage + 16 Magical damage
    • Melee Attack (Claw) vs Baphomet - 33
      • Hit - 21 Slashing damage
    • Melee Attack (Mace) vs Baphomet - 16
      • Miss
    • Attempts to throw Baphomet, requiring a contested roll
      • Baphomet - 23
      • Hoby - 21
        • Baphomet wins, not thrown

  • Baphomet (Legendary Action)
    • Melee Attack (Cleaver) vs Hoby - 39
      • Hit - 21 Slashing damage

  • Toby
    • Casts Misty Step
    • Casts Wish to cast Summon Celestial to create a Celestial Avenger

  • Celestial Avenger
    • Ranged Attack (Ice Bow) vs Baphomet {x4} - 24, Nat 20, 27, 20
      • Hit, Hit, Hit, Miss - 14 + 20 + 16 Radiant damage

10 Minotaur Skeletons appear


  • Adira Harper
    • Casts Misty Step
    • Casts Haste on Rowan and Lahni (Twinned Spell)

  • Baphomet (Lair Action)
    • Reverses Gravity

  • Skud (Reaction)
    • Casts Featherfall, on everyone

  • Rowan
    • Casts Steel Wind Strike, making a Melee Spell Attck with her Rapier against 5 Skeletons - 12, 27, ??, ??, ??
      • Hit, Hit, Hit, Hit, Hit - 39 Force damage on each of them
    • Makes a WIS Saving Throw against Baphomet's Frightful Presence - 13
      • Fail

  • Baphomet (Legendary Action)
    • Melee Attack (Cleaver) vs Lahni - Nat 20
      • Hit - 40 20 Slashing damage, also requires Lahni to make a WIS Saving Throw - 14 20
        • Success - She's not over-come by Orcus

  • Lahni
    • Melee Attack vs Minotaur Skeleton 1 {x2} - 14, 28
      • Hit, Hit - 12 + 16 Bludgeoning damage - Kills It
    • Rolls Perception to see if there are any other Skeletons nearby - 15
      • She finds an injured one
    • Melee Attack vs Minotaur Skeleton 2 {x2} - 16, ??
      • Hit, Hit - 14 + 10 Bludgeoning damage - Kills It
    • Melee Attack vs Minotaur Skeleton 3 {x2} - 17, 16
      • Hit, Hit - 11 + 12 Bludgeoning damage - Kills It

  • Skud
    • Draws a card - Adds 12 more cards to the deck!
    • Summons his Spiritual Weapon (at 9th level) in the shape of a smaller Deck of Many Things with arms
    • Roll Arcana - 23
      • He can see that he is able to get to any space in this room
    • Teleports behind Baphomet with Spiritual Weapon
    • Spiritual Weapon Melee Attack vs Baphomet - 28
      • Hit - 19 damage

  • 6 Minotaur Skeletons
    • Dog Pile on Hoby, Melee Attack (Big Axe) vs Hoby {x6} - 10, <10, 14, 19, ≥19, ≥19
      • Miss, Miss, Miss, Hit, Hit, Hit - 51 Slashing damage

Round Two


  • Baphomet
    • Bonus Action: Casts Hunter's Mark on Rowan
      • Toby has to roll Arcana to see how far away from Baphomet he is - 26
        • He is any distance away from him. That's fucked up.
      • Toby casts Counterspell to cancel the Counterspell
    • Melee Attack (Cleaver) vs Toby - 26
      • Hit - 21 Slashing damage
    • Melee Attack (Bite) vs Toby {x2} - 21, 34
      • Hit, Hit - 17 + 17 Piercing damage

  • Hoby
    • Rolls Arcana to see how far from Baphomet he is - 13
      • About 30 ft away
    • Moves away from the Minotaur Skeletons, provoking Attacks of Opportunity from all 6 of them - <19, <19, <19, ≥19, ≥19, ≥19
      • Miss, Miss, Miss, Hit, Hit, Hit - 51 Slashing damage
    • Melee Attack (Bite) vs Baphomet - 32
      • Hit - 24 Piercing damage
    • Melee Attack (Claw) vs Baphomet - 25
      • Hit - 16 Slashing damage
    • Attempts to throw Baphomet, requiring a contested roll
      • Hoby - 20
      • Baphomet - 28
        • Baphomet wins, not thrown
    • Melee Attack (Tail) vs Baphomet - 25
      • Hit - 14 Bludgeoning damage

  • Toby
    • Casts Lightning Bolt on the 6 Minotaur Skeletons, requiring DC 20 DEX Saving Throws - <20, <20, <20, <20, <20, <20
      • All 6 Fail - 40 Lightning damage - Kills Two of Them

  • Celestial Avenger
    • Heals Toby for - 20 HP

  • Baphomet (Legendary Action)
    • Melee Attack (Cleaver) vs Skud - 22
      • Hit - 21 Slashing damage

  • Adira
    • Casts Chain Lightning on one of the Minotaur Skeletons, requiring a DEX Saving Throw - 20, <20, <20, <20
      • One succeeds - 24 Lightning damage - Kills It
      • Three fail - 49 Lightning damage - Kills Them

  • Rowan
    • Makes Baphomet her Sworn Enemy
    • Casts Hail of Thorns at 3rd level
    • Ranged Attack (Oathbow) vs Baphomet {x3} - Nat 20, 21, 19
      • Hit, Miss, Miss - 51 damage

  • Lahni
    • Melee Attack (Flurry of Blows) vs Baphomet {x4} - 13, 27, 18, 24
      • Miss, Hit, Miss, Hit - 57 Bludgeoning damage

  • Skud
    • Casts Wish to cast Reality Break on Baphomet, requiring a WIS Saving Throw - 36
      • Success - Nothing happens
    • Spiritual Weapon Melee Attack vs Baphomet - 25
      • Hit - 20 damage - Kills It

Combat Ends


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