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Episode 411 - A Wizard, a Clone, and a Simulacrum.
(Campaign 1 - Episode 411)

Just some of the many characters that Gaelen drew

Release Date: June 21, 2021
Recording Date: June 15, 2021
Episode Length: 1:07:27
Cast & Characters
Michael DiMauro: Dungeon Master
Tim Lanning: Toby Treacletart
Jennifer Cheek: Rowan Grey
Mike Bachmann: Skud Derringer
Nika Howard: Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain
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Episode 410 Episode 412

A glowing Portal is about the most stressful thing in the D&D universe. It is the “we need to talk” or the unexpected knock at your door at 10:43. Whatever comes through, be it man or otherwise, we shall meet it head on!


Long Story[]

The Tower of Grey is in Bigby's Laboratory, when 3 figures appear on the teleportation circle: Celtra Wimblepuck, Celtra Wimblepuck, and a clone of Thom Vidalis. One of the Celtras chastises the crew for invading her sanctum, demanding they pay with their lives. Toby and her have a slight dick measuring contest, Toby saying that Celtra will be dirt, and he will live forever. Thom asks Celtra if he should kill "these guys", and upon being clowned on by Skud, he draws a greatsword and they roll initiative.

Lahni goes first, saying she's always wanted to 'rassle a gator. She succeeds in a wisdom throw, and attempts to stun Thom. Thom succeeds in a constitution save, and is not stunned. Both Michaels have trouble finding Thom's voice. In retaliation he swings a greatsword at her in a flurry, hitting twice. Rowan draws her Dancing Rapier and casts Steelwind Strike, targeting the Celtras and Thom with advantage before turning invisible. She misses one Celtra but hits the other one, and Thom, carving "RG" onto their flesh. Rowan then targets the damaged Celtra with her dancing rapier, but rolls a Natural 1.

Celtra uses her turn to cast Chain Lightning, which Toby Counterspells by deflection. Skud then uses his turn to draw a card from his Deck of Many Things: This gives him a +10 to Persuasion and Intimidate rolls. Then Skud casts Spiritual Weapon in the shape of a small Thom, which jumps at Thom and misses.

Toby uses his Eye of Vecna to discern the true Celtra. He finds that she was the one Rowan had already hit, so he tells everyone to focus fire on that Celtra specifically. Skud offers a card, which Toby refuses. The Toby jumps off his broom and melee attacks Celtra with his Hand of Vecna, grabbing her neck and lifting her off the ground. She passes a saving throw, and Toby yells for Hoby to eat her. Hoby bites her, poisoning her, and hits her with a claw and his tail as well. Toby them Misty Steps away 30 ft.

Celtra Mazes Hoby. Toby attempts to Counterspell it, but the other Celtra Counterspells his Counterspell. The room is full of sparks flying everywhere.

Lahni turns invisible and throws a bean next to Thom. A campfire with blue flames appears as a result, which Thom uses to warm his cloaca.

Thom turns to Skud, his previous target having disappeared, and swing his sword 4 times, scoring one critical hit and one normal hit. The critical hit causes the runes to light up and siphon 10 health from Skud, dealing Necrotic damage. Bachmann suggests that Skud has knowledge of Thom, deciding that Skud pretends to enjoy being harmed. They have a flirty repartee.

Rowan casts Hail of Thorns at Celtra Wimblepuck, hitting her and Celtra Etc, and killing the original Celtra! Toby uses a reaction to cast Soul Cage, trapping Celtra's soul in a Farraday bird-cage orb and interrupting her resurrection. He gloats. With her second action, Rowan does a regular longbow attack on Celtra Etc, hitting her directly in the sternum.

Skud uses his turn to talk to Thom. He rolls Persuasion, getting a Natural 20 +18, and therefore convinces Thom that to be trapped in Soul Cage is exactly the tantric death that he craves. As a result, Thom kills himself by jamming his sword into his heart and falling on it. Ironically, Toby has already used his reaction and thus cannot cast Soul cage. The "baby" Thom in the clone tank stirs as Thom's soul is transported into it.

Hoby comes back from the Maze and ends his turn as Toby flies over to Thom's clone tank, punching through the glass with his hand of Vecna, breaking Baby Thom's neck. The baby Thom fails a Constitution Saving Throw, causing his bones to melt. Toby traps Thom's soul in another soul cage, then turns back to the battle with a soul-ball in each hand before jumping onto his broom and taking cover behind a box.

Celtra moves to get line of sight on Toby and casts Disintegrate on him. Toby tries not to dodge, fails, but uses a Luck point and then gets a Nat 20, avoiding the spell.

Lahni attacks Celtra, hitting her 3 times in a move called "An Arkensaw Twister", then moves away.

Rowan rears back and fires a lower level Hail of Thorns, porcupining her in the shape of a frowny face and killing her.

The Tower of Grey has a post-battle debrief on the topic of Toby snapping a baby's neck and melting its bones, which Toby justifies as the baby not being a "baby", but a clone which would mature in 6 months. This does little to comfort his friends, who are also mostly clones.

Rowan decides that Toby should go to therapy. Toby shakes Thom's soul and queries, "Are you mad at me?" Thom is definitely disappointed, as the Soul Cage is not as erotic as he'd hoped.


The teleportation circle in Bigby's Lab suddenly is filled with 2 Celtras and a Thom, which the gang fight. First they kill the real Celtra and Toby traps her soul, and then Skud convinces Thom to kill himself so that his own soul can be trapped, by convincing Thom that being Soul Caged is horny. Thom does kill himself, but Toby has already used his reaction and can't trap the soul, so Thom's clone begins to revive. Then, Toby smashes the clone tank and snaps Baby Thom's neck and melts his bones and traps his soul. Celtra etc is then extremely killed by Rowan, ending combat.


  • This episode was written by Hugo! And then I, MisterRed, came through and made some minor adjustments. Thanks, Hugo!
  • The last episode wasn't written when this episode was recorded, so Bachmann couldn't use it for the recap. I'm sorry, Bachmann, I failed you.
  • Skud draws a card from his Deck of Many Things that allows him to gain +10 to Persuasion and Intimidation until another card is drawn. This doesn't seem to be a real thing in an actual Deck of Many Things, so this must be a custom card
  • Toby shouldn't have been able to use a reaction to trap Celtra's soul, because he already used his reaction to Counterspell. But Michael is a gracious DM, and lets him do it anyway
  • The question is raised if Skud's Persuasion roll is the highest roll in the game. It is not. That honor goes, hilariously enough, to Jennifer, in Episode 394 - Demon Ball, where she rolled a 45 on, also hilariously enough, Persuasion. And it was partly because Skud helped her out by casting Skill Empowerment, so... He played himself

In This Episode...[]

Cast and Player Characters[]

Non-Player Characters[]

Pets and Familiars[]



Toby Rowan Skud Lahni Others General Inventory
Robe of Stars[241]
Broom of Flying[299]
Crystal Ball of Telepathy[299]
Sending Stone[353]
Dossier on a Warehouse Owner[356]
Diary/Letter opener of Silga Darvo[357]
Scroll of Teleportation {x2}[374]
Leather Helmet[379]
Doug the Astral Dreadnought[381]
Treasure Map on the back of a portrait of Burt Ballista[382]
Rare books {x3}[382]
The Arcane Grimoire, Tsugrix Zelentiri[387]
Alchemy Jug[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
Bag of Holding[406]
2 Potions of Growth[409]
Potion of Supreme Healing[409]
Oil of Sharpness[409]
Mummy Rot Antidote[409]
[NEW]Soul Cage with the soul of Celtra Wimblepuck
[NEW]Soul Cage with the soul of [[Thom Clones|a clone] of Thom Vidalis
  • Arrows of Dragon Slaying {x2}[349]
Dancing Rapier[241]
Eyes of Charming[299]
Sending Stone[353]
Kevimp McBallister's groin shotgun[354]
Bag of Infinite Chicken Fingers[369]
Leather Helmet[379]
Rowan's Tattoo[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
Potion of Supreme Healing[409]
Oil of Sharpness[409]
Gold Bone Coin that lets him enter the Bones championship[255]
Heavy Armor, atop of his robe, adorned with fish[349]
Sending Stone[353]
Longsword of Wounding[354]
Water Badge[371]
Earth Badge(s)[378]
Air Badge[383]
Leather Helmet[379]
Deck of Many Things[387]{15 cards}
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
Potion of Supreme Healing[409]
Hank, the Draft Horse[409]
1 Shield (+2)[409]
Ferret Wine Ferret[253]
Bag of Beans[274]
Boots of Phasing[299]
A Longbow[349]
Sending Stone[353]
Leather Helmet[379]
The Caplain's Secret Ferret Pie/Cake Recipe[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
Potion of Supreme Healing[409]
2 Potions of Sharkness[sic][409]
Leather mug with "Thanks for Trying" written on it[409]
Adira Harper
Winged Boots[410]
"Several" Potions of Fire Resistance[349]
Potions of Haste[349]
Dark Blade[352]
More Sending Stones, just in case[353]
Potions of Underwater Breathing[365]
Bag of Infinite Burgers[369]
Bag of Infinite Moscow Mules[369]
The BTS[380]

Quest Log Updates[]


  • "What didn't happen last week?" ~ Mike Bachmann
  • "Every time you have a card, you have a bean!" ~ Lahni Caplain
  • "He was a weirdo! He just killed people randomly!" ~ Tim Lanning, on Thom Vidalis
    "He got better about it!" ~ Jennifer Cheek
  • "The little baby Thom stirrs in the clone tank." ~ Michael
    "I'm gonna do something so fucked up to it..." ~ Tim Lanning


  • Recap
    • Tim - 10
    • Jennifer - 5
    • Bachmann - 19
    • Nika - 14

Combat Begins vs Celtra 1, Celtra 2, and Not-Thom

  • Initiative
    • Lahni - 24
    • Not-Thom
    • Rowan - 19
    • Celtra 1
    • Skud - 15
    • Toby - 11
    • Hoby
    • Celtra 2

Round One

  • Lahni
    • Must make a WIS Saving Throw - 15 + 11
      • Nothing happens
    • Melee Attack vs Not-Thom {x2} - 25, 13
      • Hit, Miss - 13 damage, and Not-Thom must make a DC 19 CON Saving Throw - 29
        • Success - Not Stunned

  • Not-Thom
    • Melee Attack (Greatsword) vs Lahni {x5} - 20, 26, ??, ??, ??
      • Miss, Miss, Miss, Hit, Hit - 15 + 11

  • Rowan
    • Casts Steel Wind Strike vs Celtra 1, Celtra 2, and Not-Thom
    • Melee Spell Attack vs Celtra 1 (with advantage) - 26
      • Hit - 24 + 10 Force damage
    • Melee Spell Attack vs Celtra 2 (with advantage) - 16
      • Miss
    • Melee Spell Attack vs Not-Thom - 20
      • Hit - 24 + 10 Force damage
    • Ranged? Attack (Dancing Rapier) vs Celtra 1 - Nat1
      • Miss

  • Celtra 1
    • Casts Chain Lightning (7th level)
      • Toby casts Counterspell - 16+6
        • Success - It's countered

  • Skud
    • Pulls a card from the Deck of Many Things - Gains +10 to Persuasion and Intimidation until another card is drawn
    • Uses his Spiritual Weapon to create a tiny Thom
    • BattleBot attacks Not-Thom - 18
      • Miss

  • Toby
    • Uses his Eye of Vecna to see which Celtra is the real one - It's Celtra 1
    • Punches Celtra 1 - 23
      • Hit - ?? damage, also, Celtra must make a CON Saving Throw - 21
        • Success - Nothing happens
    • Misty Steps away

  • Hoby
    • Melee Attack (Bite) vs Celtra 1 - 20
      • Hit - 23 Piercing damage, also she must make a CON Saving Throw - 15
        • Fail - She's poisoned, and can't regain HP, 21 poison damage at the start of each of her turns
    • Melee Attack (Claw) vs Celtra 1 - 24
      • Hit - 15 Slashing damage
    • Melee Attack (Mace) vs Celtra 1 - 28
      • Hit - 13 + 24 Fire Bludgeoning damage
    • Melee Attack (Mace?) vs Celtra 1 - 32
      • Hit - 23 Bludgeoning damage

  • Celtra 2
    • Casts Maze on Hoby
      • Toby Counterspells it at 3rd level
        • Celtra 1 Counterspells Toby's Counterspell - Hoby vanishes

Round Two

  • Lahni
    • Goes invisible
    • Uses a Magic Bean - Creates a campfire with blue flame

  • Thom
    • Melee Attack (Greatsword) vs Skud {x4} - Nat20, ??, 20, ??
      • Hit, Hit, Miss, Miss - 30 Slashing damage + 10 Necrotic damage
        • Gains 10 HP

  • Rowan
    • Casts Hail of Thorns
    • Ranged Attack (Oathbow) vs Celtra 1 and Celtra 2 - 23
      • Hit - 40 damage - Kills Celtra 1
  • Toby (Reaction)
    • Casts Soul Cage to trap Celtra Wimblepuck's soul
  • Rowan (cont'd)
    • Ranged Attack (Oathbow) vs Celtra 2 - 22
      • Hit - 25 damage

  • Skud
    • Rolls Persuasion to convince Not-Thom that he wants to get his soul sucked - Nat20 + 18
      • Not-Thom falls on his sword - Kills himself
    • BattleBot makes a Melee Attack vs Celtra 2 - 13
      • Miss

  • Hoby
    • Rolls to escape the Maze - 25
      • Success - He escapes

  • Toby
    • Uses his evil hand to kill the Thom clone
    • Casts Soul Cage to trap its soul
    • Flies behind a box

  • Celtra 2
    • Casts Disintegrate on Toby, requiring him to make a DEX Saving Throw - Uses a luck point - Nat20 + 3
      • Success - Not Disintegrated

Round Three

  • Lahni
    • Melee Attack vs Celtra 2 - 17, 25, 23, Nat20
      • Miss, Hit, Hit, Hit - 50 damage

  • Rowan
    • Casts Hail of Thorns
    • Ranged Attack vs Celtra 2 - 19
      • Hit - 26 damage - Kills It

Combat Ends