Episode 405 - Great Galanthis Snack Off


Release Date:

April 26, 2021

Recording Date:

April 20, 2021

Episode Length:


Cast & Characters

Michael DiMauro:

Dungeon Master

Tim Lanning:

Toby Treacletart

Jennifer Cheek:

Rowan Grey

Mike Bachmann:

Skud Derringer

Nika Howard:

Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain


Previous Episode:

Next Episode:

Episode 404 - Welcome to Galanthis

Episode 406 - Welcome to The Crossroads

When dealing with a king of a nation with other worldly sensibilities you have to make a good impression and follow whatever laws or customs they have. In this case you need to prove you know how to make good snacks on 4/20.

Story[edit | edit source]

Long Story[edit | edit source]

Okay, so, the first thing is that the mouse Rowan shot at in the last episode, is revealed to be Wiggins. I'd like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that Wiggins is dead. Okay, we got that out of the way. We can move on.

Luccan knows all about The Tower of Grey, having been told by Aludra Wyrmsbane, and Toby knows all about Luccan due to his fandom of the Ätlän-tã Fælcons! Such a fan, in fact, that he asks Luccan to sign a page of his Arcan Grimoire, Tsuzy, which he pulls one of the pages out of! While this is happening, Zeno Ziltaurus, the royal attendant of King Theonjon Dayne, interrupts to inform Adira Harper that there's a Sending Stone call for her. It's from Aelar, another member of The Circle of Seven!

Aelar appears through the stone as a Star Wars-esque hologram thing, and tells Adira that she was right about Eckhart Dayhammer, he should have believed her. Says that he was tracking a High Priest of Tiamat, and managed to overhear a conversation between them and Bigby! Turns out Bigby is working with/for Tiamat! That's not good. Aelar confronted him (Bigby?) and barely escaped with his life, though now he believes that Bigby thinks Aelar is dead. That is good. Gives him the upper hand. Anyway, he says that Citadel of the Seven did not survive, implying that it was this fight that caused it's distraction, and the previously-mentioned Tarrasque was merely a decoy/distraction/cover-up. Oh, yeah, about that Tarrasque. Aelar's lured it away from The Crossroads. Hey, good job, Aelar! This isn't a permanent fix, but it does give the group time to party and chill in Galanthis. And what a better time to do it, too, because today is Calendar Day!!!!

So, Calendar Day is a special Galanthian holiday, that... Oh boy. I think Michael is doing this to me personally and specifically. I am going to throw caution to the wind here as these names are concerned. Here's what happened....

In the early days, before Galanthis, the High-Elves were not considered to be as high as they are now. They were as dirty and common as the dirtiest and communist of the commoners. Then, the great ruler of the time, Lysanthir Trisbane Esanadoral (?!?!?!), had a vision of a magical realm that had the best aspects of The Feywild and the Prime Material Plane. Lysanthir's court mage was Chiva Stoneleaf (?!?!?!), discoverer of the 777 uses of Silverweed Oil. I think now would be a good time to mention that this episode was recorded on 4/20. A millenia passed before Lysanthir's vision was realized. Once Galanthis was in existence, they realized that time moved differently here. There's an extra 45 days here in Galanthis to complete the year. The court mage of that time was named Janul Thastus (?!?!?!) or possibly Danul? Other than creating the Galanthian calendar, he was known to revere Chiva Stoneleaf. So, his solution was to add extra days to the end of a single month, making today Danuary 77th, 77th day of the 7th month. Alright. Fine.

So, to celebrate, they have a ton of Silverweed Oil, and of course, there's the "Finding of the Snacks" ceremony. For that, the guests must go out and find some snacks that they think would be delicious, and share them with everyone. This prompts a cacophany of pure, unmitigated nonsense that some poor fool has to document, so here we go...

Toby decides that he'll create a Illusory Dragon, using the spell Illusory Dragon, and infuse it with something sweet and delicious. Rowan first considers gathering ingredients to make the slapping-est nachos Galanthis has ever seen, but then redirects her efforts toward a nice poutine instead. To "help", Toby goes pants-shitting mode and True Sights a small, living mushroom from the forest nearby. He descends upon it, using Dominate Monster to compel it to return to him. He returns it, dead, back to the rest of them, to add a truffle to Rowan's poutine. And I cry.

Lahni sets out to gather some local strange eggs for a gourmet Egg Salad Sandwich, which includes 1 Griffon egg, 1 Mimic egg, 1 Infant Tarrasque, 2 Allosauruses (Allosauri?) and 2 Pseudo-Dragons. Sounds... delicious? When Skud is asked what snack he would like to prepare, he simply replies, "bone".

The preparations are made, and the ceremony begins. Things suddenly turn competitive, as Zeno Ziltaurus and the Tower of Grey take turns presenting the King with increasingly outlandish dishes. First, Ziltaurus offers up his dish: a bouquet of Displacer Beast Jerky. The King love it. Pair that with Rowan's poutine, which the King also loves. Hey, he's having a great time!

Round two. Zeno's offering is a tray of Devil Fire Poppers. It's extremely hot. Perhaps, too hot? The King doesn't love it. Can Lahni pull this off? She presents her Egg Salad Sandwich, made of strange creature's eggs. And... it's a draw! Uh oh, that's not good.

The attendant, desperate to outshine these low-lives, gives the King some of his best Banana Caramel Waffles. Does that not sound fantasy enough for you? Fine, they're magic bananas, leave Michael alone. It sounds delicious to me, but the King is only sort of into it, it sounds like. Skud has been preparing his bone something or other, and he reveals it now, with a flourish. It's... a bone. A cartooney, bone-ass bone. With a special white sauce that's actually probably just liquified bone. And on top of that, sprinkles of tiny, flake-sized bone. But, like, the full shape of bone, just tiny. You understand. The King takes a bite. And hurts his friggin teeth! Despite Skud providing him with a strange liquid (that's both anti-septic, and an anesthetic), this round is a draw. Also, there's a discussion as to where these bones come from. The party asks about the status of Akkio, with no answer...

For the final round, Ziltaurus has prepared his greatest delicacy: Cheeto-crusted Chimera Wing. The King (and everyone who tries it) loves it! And finally, it comes to Toby. He at first acts as though he hasn't prepared anything, but it isn't long before a giant edible dragon burst forth, and, with a roar, slaps Zeno Ziltaurus aside into a nearby pond. It (the dragon, not the pond, although maybe the pond, too) is made of Death By Chocolate, with Khalua scales, and molten lava white chocolate flame breath. The King takes a big old slurp out of the dragon's belly, and it's do die for. He declares the event over, as no one will be able to top that. And the episode ends...

Short[edit | edit source]

You know what. Nothing happened in this episode. This episode didn't take place. It's not a real episode. Nothing happened.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • Wiggins is dead
  • Rowan and Luccan know each other, but very casually, due to the Harper connection
  • I'm not emotionally ready to deal with the whole "Danuary" thing
  • King Theonjon Dayne loves flashy foods, and chocolate cake with many different kinds of chocolate (you know, different frosting, and pieces of chocolate sprinkled on top. Mmmm...)

In This Episode...[edit | edit source]

Cast and Player Characters[edit | edit source]

Non-Player Characters[edit | edit source]

Pets/Familiars[edit | edit source]

Locations[edit | edit source]

Inventory[edit | edit source]

Toby Rowan Skud Lahni Others General Inventory
Robe of Stars[241]
Broom of Flying[299]
Crystal Ball of Telepathy[299]
Sending Stone[353]
Dossier on a Warehouse Owner[356]
Diary/Letter opener of Silga Darvo[357]
Scroll of Teleportation {x2}[374]
Leather Helmet[379]
Doug the Astral Dreadnought[381]
Treasure Map on the back of a portrait of Burt Ballista[382]
Rare books {x3}[382]
The Arcane Grimoire, Tsugrix Zelentiri[387]
Alchemy Jug[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
  • Arrows of Dragon Slaying {x4}[349]
Dancing Rapier[241]
Eyes of Charming[299]
Sending Stone[353]
Kevimp McBallister's groin shotgun[354]
Bag of Infinite Chicken Fingers[369]
Leather Helmet[379]
Rowan's Tattoo[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
Gold Bone Coin that lets him enter the Bones championship[255]
Heavy Armor, atop of his robe, adorned with fish[349]
Sending Stone[353]
Longsword of Wounding[354]
Water Badge[371]
Earth Badge(s)[378]
Air Badge[383]
Leather Helmet[379]
Deck of Many Things[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
Ferret Wine Ferret[253]
Bag of Beans[274]
Boots of Phasing[299]
A Longbow[349]
Sending Stone[353]
Leather Helmet[379]
The Caplain's Secret Ferret Pie/Cake Recipe[387]
The Caplain's Secret Ferret Pie/Cake Recipe[387]
Scroll of Plane Shift[392]
Potion of Greater Healing {x2}[392]
"Several" Potions of Fire Resistance[349]
Potions of Haste[349]
Dark Blade[352]
More Sending Stones, just in case[353]
Potions of Underwater Breathing[365]
Bag of Infinite Burgers[369]
Bag of Infinite Moscow Mules[369]
The BTS[380]

Quest Log Updates[edit | edit source]

Quotes[edit | edit source]

  • "I'm a magic talking mouse, you piece of shit!" ~ Wiggins, who is dead
  • "... I don't wanna save you people anymore." ~ Toby Treacletart
  • "Uhhh..... yea, uh... bone?" ~ Skud Derringer, on his favorite snack?
  • "Someone bring me the royal milk!" ~ King Theonjon Dayne
  • "The chef's intent... would be that your teeth break, yes." ~ Mike Bachmann
  • "No, I don't have to do a fucking roll. I'm a wizard. I don't roll. I use resources." ~ Tim Lanning, Wizard
  • "Toby could really have a future as the Willy Wonka of Drunkeros, I think." ~ Jennifer Cheek

Rolls[edit | edit source]

  • Recap
    • Nika - 5
    • Tim - 16
    • Jennifer - 9

  • Rowan rolls Survival to make a delicious poutine - 19
    • It's delicious!

  • Lahni rolls Sleight of Hand to steal some eggs - 24
    • She steals 7 eggs, and rolls 7d20 to see which eggs she steals
      • 2 - Griffon egg
      • 6 - Mimic egg
      • 20 - Infant Tarrasque egg
      • 18 - Allosaurus egg
      • 18 - Allosaurus egg
      • 17 - Pseudo-Dragon egg
      • 17 - Pseudo-Dragon egg
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