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Episode 383 - Table Manners
(Campaign 1 - Episode 383)

The Tower of Grey, chillin' in a beach hell

Release Date: November 23, 2020
Recording Date: November 17, 2020
Episode Length: 1:04:29
Cast & Characters
Michael DiMauro: Dungeon Master
Tim Lanning: Toby Treacletart
Jennifer Cheek: Rowan Grey
Mike Bachmann: Skud Derringer
Nika Howard: Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain
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Episode 382 Episode 384

Well, dang. Here we are. The dang CHAMPIONS! Well, the person who is allowed to challenge the champion, but still. What horrors will Lucious Incendous throw at us? Only one way to find out!!!


Long Story[]

Ah, you hear that? The roar of the crowd, fresh off Skud's victory over Fuckin Gary in the Bone Card Battle? Ain't nothin' finer, I say. Skud is announced as the winner by the commissioner, who also grants him his much earned Air Badge! And what's more, with that badge earned, he can now enter the final Battle in The Elemental Plane of Fire! In fact, a portal to that very same plane opens before them right now! A large, and unnecessarily sexy Efreeti emissary emerges, who we later learn is named Gloom Caligari, a perfect name. He brings with him a team of Efreet guards, along with a plinth, for carrying purposes. They are to be delivered straight to the castle of Lucious Incendous, final Champion of the Bone Card system.

Once through the portal, the party elects to change back into their non-bone-ified forms. I suppose this is a good time to take stock of who's all where, huh? Per Jennifer, Bercy Hamhands is there, as is Hoby. Frank is not there, but Lannie Caplain is. Per Caligari, they are all to stay in the castle tonight (much to the chagrin of anyone who wanted to return to The White Flounder), and have dinner with the man himself, Lucious Incendous. Also, they are warned that in the final battle, they can die, a harsh change from the, "just go back in your cards" attitude of the previous games. The previous 8 challengers have perished in this way, cards as well as players, which is scary. The good news is that the victor will have all their deceased card creatures revived for free, so, that's cool. In other words, the winning team can be brought back, but the losing team stays dead.

Their patrons attempt to pamper and bathe them (to Lahni's horror). Lahni finally changes out of the Gimp suit, and she's covered in sores and trench foot. It's horrific. And it's canon. The whole party changes into nice robes for dinner, although Lahni, fresh out of the old gimp suit, elects to change into a new, red and gold gimp suit that looks like the flash. But instead of the flash logo, it's a ferret vomiting wine logo. Skud is wearing a nice tailored suit. It's the classic 90's cup jazz pattern, but the purple part is the tie, which goes down from the neck, then back and forth to make the pattern. You get it. Rowan is looking Tilda-Swinton-from-The-Lion-the-Witch-and-the-Wardrobe esque, meets Octavia from The 100. Kind of like later-seasons Sansa from Game of Thrones. And it's a little revealing, a little low-cut. Bercy is dressed just the same as Gloom Caligari, including pierced nips and the swinging dick. Yeah, Caligari looks like that, btw. Toby is wearing a little tuxedo with a bonnet and a cape. And he's wearing makeup that looks like Baby Yoda. and that's how they all look when they get to dinner that night.

Each of them has their own reserved seat at the table, and there are six more empty seats as well. There's also large, throne-like chair at the head of the table. Caligari announces Lucious Incendous, who enters looking like Hades from the the game Hades. Big and bulky, with a big, twisty beard. Stern and scary looking. 9 feet tall, and a deep voice. He announces that he, like Skud, uses his friends as the creatures in his bone cards, and introduces them (or rather, has Gloom introduce them) one by one. As each one is introduced, they are brought in, and sat at the table.

There's Sharpe Lestat, a human, with sharp, smoldering eyes. Lean, and well-muscled, he moves with a noticeable grace. Said to have killed 1000 men in single combat.

Next up is Ysla Caine, a bald half-elf, with a long scar down the left side of her face crossing over (and through) her eye. She has moving tattoos, and is a master of the mystic arts. She holds up a finger and a spark comes out of it.

Duclaw Honeypaw is halfling, wearing leathers embroidered with little musical notes. He's the realm's greatest musician, though he only performs for those he's about to slay. He grins, revealing sharp, pointy teeth.

Who could forget about Wordsworth Zics, a half-orc, wearing rusted dented metal plate mail? The last disciple of Kord, god of war. She has a hammer and shield.

There's also Killian Dred, a Tiefling, with blue skin, and blood red eyes. A keeper of the old ways, they have a pact with a "lower denizen", whatever that means.

And finally, no one notices the final member come in. Pandora Thorne, a mysterious woman wearing a shimmering tunic. She's sitting there, as silent as she is creepy.

Toby asks why he chose to use humanoids as fighters, like Skud. It's because these are the strongest creatures in all the land, and he needs strong creatures, as keeper of the Elite Forge. Whomstever gains access to the Forge can have their wish granted (as long as it's specifically the Artifact they are looking for). Rowan brags about killing The Ballista Twins, which prompts Lucious to come all the way down the table for a high-5, which is very funny.

They then eat dinner in complete silence.


Having defeated Fuckin Gary, Skud is awarded the Air Badge, and he and his team are escorted to the Elemental Plane of Fire. They meet with the Champion of this region, Lucious Incendous, and the creatures that he commands. It is sure to be a mighty, harrowing battle indeed...


  • Pyre will be smart again in 2 days, meaning it's been about 28 days since he was Feeble Minded
  • When the party is in bone form, they still have their fingernails and their hair. All of their hair...
  • There's some confusion over the name of the group the Tower of Grey, verses the actual Tower of Grey, which is funny, then Toby drops the bombshell that the Tower of Grey location is spelled with an A, so, the Tower of Gray. But the adventuring group is the Tower of Grey, with an E. Great. So now I have to go through and change all of that. It's for legal reasons
    • Toby/Tim says that the Tower of Gray was renamed after Steve blew up his robot, which also damaged some of the tower. This was to move some of the Tower's debt to a different book, which also renamed the Tower. It's not confusing at all, actually, and makes a ton of sense
  • All of the Elemental Planes have different variations of Ska music playing at all times. This is canon, and nothing Tim says can ever change this. Nika did this
  • The party briefly speculates on how many people they've killed, which is a challenge for me specifically
  • All of the Lucious fighters were taken from Lucious's competitors.

In This Episode...[]

Cast and Player Characters[]

Non-Player Characters[]




Toby Rowan Skud Lahni Others General Inventory
Robe of Stars[241]
Broom of Flying[299]
Sending Stone[353]
Dossier on a Warehouse Owner[356]
Diary/Letter opener of Silga Darvo[357]
Scroll of Teleportation {x3}[374]
Ring of Mind Shielding[374]
Leather Helmet[379]
Doug the Astral Dreadnought[381]
Treasure Map on the back of a portrait of Burt Ballista[382]
Rare books {x3}[382]
  • Arrows of Dragon Slaying {x4}[349]
Dancing Rapier[241]
Eyes of Charming[299]
Sending Stone[353]
Kevimp McBallister's groin shotgun[354]
Bag of Infinite Chicken Fingers[369]
Leather Helmet[379]
Gold Bone Coin that lets him enter the Bones championship[255]
Heavy Armor, atop of his robe, adorned with fish[349]
Sending Stone[353]
Longsword of Wounding[354]
Water Badge[371]
Earth Badge(s)[378]
[NEW]Air Badge
Leather Helmet[379]
Ferret Wine Ferret[253]
The Orb[257]
Bag of Beans[274]
Boots of Phasing[299]
A Longbow[349]
Sending Stone[353]
Leather Helmet[379]
Bercy Hamhands
1 Bag of Holding
Leather Helmet[379]
"Several" Potions of Fire Resistance[349]
Potions of Haste[349]
Dark Blade[352]
More Sending Stones, just in case[353]
Potions of Underwater Breathing[365]
Bag of Infinite Burgers[369]
Bag of Infinite Moscow Mules[369]
The BTS[380]

Quest Log Updates[]


  • "One of the cool things we do is find little cute, fun little ways to make each episode worse than the last." ~ Tim Lanning
  • "I'm sweating for so many reasons!" ~ Mike Bachmann
  • "Lahni's bones just go into the gimp suit, and it just reforms. Who knows what Lahni comes out?" ~ Nika Howard
  • "I do like that any time we get any insight into how the Tower of Grey works as a business, it's like, 'Oh, this is very unhealthy. This is not a well-run business, at all!'" ~ Jennifer Cheek
  • "When in Brass, pull out your ass!" ~ Lahni


  • Recap
    • Nika - 19
    • Jennifer - 10
    • Tim - 17
    • Bachmann - 5

  • Michael rolls a d12 for Bercy's dick size
    • 5
      • That's not nearly what I had in mind, but good for him