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Doug's Ex
(Campaign 2 - Episode 80)
Dnd cover c2-80

Chibi-style R'Oarc

Information
Release Date: December 11, 2023
Recording Date: December 5, 2023
Episode Length: 1:09:02
Cast & Characters
Michael DiMauro: Dungeon Master
Tim Lanning: T'Chuck
Jennifer Cheek: Selene von Esper
Nika Howard: R'Oarc
Mike Bachmann: Screech Echo
Guide
Previous Episode: Next Episode:
Despite All My Rage I Am Still Just A Spider In A Cage Flaming Pile of Circus


Ratma is back so it’s time for some deep conversations. Turns out she has a few enemies around the continent and it’s been causing us a lot of trouble! Time to do something about it.

Story[]

Long Story[]

The party has just defeated the Priestess of Lolth. She's tied up now, and ready for questioning. But, they can't just interrogate here out in the street. R'Oarc casts Tiny Hut to create a... tiny hut. And T'Chuck casts Zone of Truth to create a... Zone of Truth. It's all pretty self-explanatory. Everyone rolls against the Zone of Truth, and they all succeed, except for Selene and the Priestess. So, Selene elects to stay outside and lean in, in case she needs to lie. The Drow woman has no such luxury. Selene tries, and fails, to intimidate her into talking. R'Oarc tries, and succeeds, to intimidate her into talking. She's helped by Screech, in Beholder-doodle form, by barking at her. It's worse than his bite, I've heard. Once properly intimidated, the woman begins to reveal all she knows...

Her name is Navra Ush'rin, and she's on retainer, working for another Drow woman named Hortentia Calamore. Calamore is currently residing in the Drow city of Vhur'endal (thanks for the spelling, Michael). It's Ratma Ritmo that she's interested in. Ratma and Calamore have a beef, that goes back years, but Navra doesn't know what it's all about. What she does know, is that she was sent here by Calamore to drive off the people of Mineford, and bring Ratma back to Vhur'endal, broken and bruised, but alive. That's about all she knows.

Alright, well, what to do with Navra now? R'Oarc suggests throwing her into a trunk, along with her Incubus friend (who's name is Brandon, by the way). Last I remember, Brandon was back in Rimeford, waiting for R'Oarc to return to him. For now, they toss the Drow Priestess down into the basement of The Goblin Pit Too, and await Ratma Ritmo's arrival.

They don't have to wait long, because here she is! The party quickly briefs her on what's been goin' on. She responds with filling in a few gaps. Apparently, the beef between her and Hortentia Calamore was over a man. Actually a Dark Elf. Named "Doug". No idea what that could be about. But that's not important right now! Ratma then tells them of what she's learned on her mission. She reveals all she knows...

The rumors of war in Farhold are true. It may have something to do with House Bartell, a family from the island of Anchordowns. They are described as "fish-lovin', tooth-not-havin' guys", and are said to be working with some kind of wizard, from beyond the Wildlands of the east. T'Chuck, having fought against many wizards during the Mage Wars, is none too thrilled about this. But, if Anchordowns is working with wizards, (and especially if House Bartell is launching an assault against Farhold) then that means the Bartells have no love for the Empire. That means they could be potential allies.

Ratma reminds them of J'Michael, the dragon. If Calamore was able to find them, and send assassins after her, then that means Mineford is no longer safe. J'Michael will need to be taken somewhere more secure. Anchordowns is looking like a worthy prospect. But there's another option as well. Ratma says that Hortentia Calamore also hates the Empire. If they were able to somehow get in Calamore's good graces, then perhaps she could be another powerful ally in keeping J'Michael hidden. And they still have Navra with them. Maybe she could serve as an intermediary between the party and Calamore.

The way the region is layed out is, Mineford/Rimeford lay to the "general northwest". To the east is Vhur'endal, and a little ways beyond that, Anchordowns. Farhold can be found further east still from that. There's a pass called "Alterwood" that leads from Vhur'endal to Anchordowns, but it's rough out there. The people there would likely be on vigilant lookout for magic users. If they were to go through there, they would need to smuggle J'Michael through. Fortunately, Ratma has an idea for that, too. She recently heard of a traveling circus making their way through the area. Circuses can be a great way to smuggle things from town to town. So, they'll need to find the circus and convince them to take the dragon in for a little bit.

Thaldin Emberbrew reminds everyone that he is still here. He, like J'Michael, had been brought to Mineford so that Ratma could watch over him, but as it turns out, Ratma ain't exactly the child-rearin' type. She does think that they may be able to find some help for the boy out in Farhold or Vhur'endal. This is interesting, because, back in Episode 76, Ratma had suggested getting help for Thaldin from a "nearby Drow city". At the time, this city was un-named, but it may have been Vhur'endal. Cool. Anyway, they can't cart both J'Michael AND Thaldin around with them, so Ratma suggests leaving him with Grimshaw Shadowhoof. Apparently, Screech's ward Gertie has been working as Grimshaw's assistant, but has been having trouble keeping up with the workload. Having another pair of hands, however sickly, could be helpful. Another option is leaving him with Seraphina Nightshade, as there are a few Nightshade's that may be willing to help out.

Unable to decide, the party calls an impromptu town meeting. Everyone in Mineford gathers into the streets, where T'Chuck asks if anyone is willing to babysit this poor, sick child. Both Seraphina Nightshade and Grimshaw Shadowhoof agree to help out, so that clears that up? I guess.

Before leaving, Grimshaw pulls them all aside, and asks if they'll be needing any mounts for their journey. He has horses for up on the surface, but underground, he can offer them "steeders". These are, essentially, giant horse-like spiders, which sounds horrific to me, personally. The party agrees, turning over as payment Drow armor and weapons that they salvaged from the dead warriors who attacked them. T'Chuck picks out the saddest looking donkey for his mount, while the others are content (somehow) with the steeders. Grimshaw also throws in what he calls "spider armor", but is actually sexy-looking fishnets and high-heels. Screech chooses the sexiest of the spiders for himself, while Selene picks one that is proud and strong. Finally, R'Oarc, in true R'Oarc fashion, chooses a super fucked up looking spider. It's missing all eight of its legs, but makes up for it with wheels. It also sounds like she enters the spiders, and sees through its eyes. Like it's some kind of nightmarish car. She names it "Greeg". And that's all.

Short[]

The party questions the Drow Priestess of Lolth, who they learn is named Navra Ush'rin. She tells them that she was sent here by her boss, Hortentia Calamore, with the purpose of sacking the city, and capturing Ratma Ritmo. Apparently, Ratma and Hortentia have an old beef, caused by a love triangle between them and Doug the Dark Elf. Ratma returns to the city, and informs them that war has indeed come to Farhold. They decide that J'Michael needs to be moved, since Mineford isn't safe anymore. After some discussion, they decide to go to the Drow city of Vhur'endal, to get Hortentia on their side. From there, they will go to House Bartell in Anchordowns. Someone in either of those cities should be able to help keep J'Michael safe, and also will probably have some medicine to help Thaldin Emberbrew, who's still around. The episode ends with Grimshaw Shadowhoof offering them all mounts.

Trivia[]

  • The Drow city of Vhur'endal is near Farhold. It's said that the Thieves Guild in Farhold has connections to Vhur'endal.
  • Navra Ush'rin always wanted to be an actuary, but never had the grades for it.
  • Somehow, R'Oarc has a poster of Doug the Dark Elf on her wall at home.
    • T'Chuck has one, too.
  • During their 3 week hiatus, while R'Oarc was on her festival circuit, she ran into a traveling circus group. She describes the rides as "loose", as in, you'd fly right off.
    • This is actually how R'Oarc's friend Stephanie died. At least, this week. Apparently, Stephanie's cause of death changes each time she's asked.
      • It's possible "Stephanie" is just a title given to whichever friend R'Oarc happens to have killed most recently. It's unclear.
  • Thaldin begins referring to the party members as "Mommy and Daddy". It's unclear which specific members he's referring to, or if it's just the party in general.
  • In addition to selling horses and steeders, Grimshaw Shadowhoof also offers mules, donkeys, ponies, and warhorses.
  • Drow weapons/armor is considered very valuable down here underground, because of how rare it is. It's strong down here, but if it ever touches sunlight, it immediately begins to deteriorate.
  • J'Michael doesn't get a mount, because he doesn't need one. What dragons don't get tired, too?

In This Episode...[]

Cast and Player Characters[]

Non-Player Characters[]

Pets/Familiars[]

  • Greeg, the Spider Car

Locations[]

Inventory[]

T'Chuck Selene von Esper R'Oarc Screech Echo General Inventory
648 gold
Hunting Knife
Heavy Armor[2x06]
+1 Mace of Regnier[2x31]
Diamond worth 300 gp[2x34]
Breast-plate armor[2x34]
Backpack full of various useful things, such as "a tent or two", jerky, bread, cheese, etc.[2x38]
36 Boner Pills[2x61]
5 dead Phase Spiders[2x63]
A pair of disembodied lips, cured for preservation[2x65]
5 Kruthik heads[2x71]
A bunch of children's gummy vitamins[2x76]
Theonite Collar
Various Books
Devin Decacog's ring from The Farhold Trumpeter[2x14]
Bag of 50 gp[2x22]
7 Boner Pills[2x66]
Bone of dead Drow Warrior[2x79]
Torture Knife[2x05]
D20-sized rock of Theonite[2x16]
Theonite Sending Stone[2x17]
Theonite Ring of Protection[2x19]
5 Potions of Greater Healing[2x23]
Homemade "Resuscitation Kit"[2x38]
Crudely copied map of the tunnels around Mineford[2x55]
Handful of different mushrooms from the tunnel walls[2x55]
Penny candies from the Mineford General Store[2x55]
A ton of Screech Bucks, as carnival currency[2x62]
Several Hand-drawn Screech Bucks[2x63]
Single Hand-drawn R'Oarc Buck, worth 100 dollars[2x63]
7 Boner Pills[2x66]
A bunch of moss[2x76]
5 VIP tickets to "Owlbearpalooza" in Farhold[2x77]
The disembodied skeletal hand of either Stephanie or Wally Bonebraids[2x78]
+1 Battle Claws[2x05]
Grappling Hook[2x01?]
Torch[2x16]
Darkvision Goggles[2x59]
Drider's Scimitar[2x66]
7 Boner Pills[2x66]
"Please and Thank You" Amulet from Grimmly Tumbletoes[2x69]
Gem worth 5 gold[2x71]
4 Potions of Superior Healing[2x75]
1 Potion of Vitality[2x75]
1 Potion of Maximum Power[2x75]
Map of the tunnels around Mineford[2x55]
Crystal that shows some glowing mushrooms[2x55]
200 gp worth of an unknown "silky smooth, highly valuable substance" from the Brain Collector[2x57]
Drider's Longbow[2x58]
Drider's Chain Mail[2x58]
Drider's Leg Meat[2x58]
Map to Grimshaw Shadowhoof's maze[2x67]

Quest Board[]

  • [Active] - Save Selene's family!
    • [NEW][Active] - Recruit the help of Hortentia Calamore
      • [NEW][Active] - Travel to Vhur'endal
    • [NEW][Active] - Recruit the help of House Bartell
      • [NEW][Active] - Travel to Anchordowns
  • [Complete] - Question the Priestess of Lolth
  • [Active] - Find a cure for Thaldin Emberbrew
    • [Active] - Go to the nearby Drow city, probably Vhur'endal
  • [Complete] - Investigate the mysterious goings-on to the east
  • [On-hold] - Investigate "Bill, the Necromancer", in the far off city by the coast
  • [On-hold] - Take the disembodied lips to the oceanfront, for a burial at sea

Quotes[]

  • "Woah! You can do a lot of waterboarding in 8 hours!" ~ Michael DiMauro, now on a watchlist
  • "You will be my favorite skeleton." ~ R'Oarc
  • "You were the Jolene to her Dolly, is what I'm hearing. And she was begging for you to please not take her man!" ~ Selene von Esper
  • "I wasn't really gonna cut her fingers off. {whispers} I was gonna cut her fingers off..." ~ R'Oarc
  • "You've given me car spider." ~ Nika Howard

Rolls[]

  • They all roll Charisma Saving Throws against T'Chuck's Zone of Truth
    • R'Oarc - 23
      • Success - She can lie
    • Selene - 13
      • Fail - She cannot lie
    • T'Chuck - Nat 20
      • Success - He can lie
    • Screech - 20
      • Success - He can lie
    • Priestess of Lolth - 7
      • Fail - She cannot lie

  • Selene rolls Intimidation to do the Bad Cop routine on the Priestess - 15
    • She is not successful.

  • R'Oarc also rolls Intimidation to similarly do the Bad Cop routine on the Priestess - 17
    • She is more successful.

  • Beholder-doodle also rolls Intimidation to do the Bad Dog routine on the Priestess - 20
    • Success - His bark is worse than his bite.

  • T'Chuck rolls History to see what he knows about Vhur'endal - Nat 20
    • He knows an eff-ton about it.

  • T'Chuck rolls Persuasion to convince the townsfolk to help watch over Thaldin - 19
    • Both Seraphina and Grimshaw are both willing to take guardianship of the boy

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