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in: Greetings Adventurers Episodes

Fast and Freaky (Episode 2x68)

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Fast and Freaky
(Campaign 2 - Episode 68)
Dnd cover c2-68

{From left to right:} R'Oarc, Professor Devin Decacog, Drop Bear, Selene von Esper, and T'Chuck
Information
Release Date: July 31, 2023
Recording Date: July 25, 2023
Episode Length: 1:07:40
Cast & Characters
Michael DiMauro: Dungeon Master
Tim Lanning: T'Chuck
Jennifer Cheek: Selene von Esper
Nika Howard: R'Oarc
Mike Bachmann: Screech Echo
Guide
Previous Episode: Next Episode:
Roll for Community Lava Lizards


Ratma did some real weird wishing or dream scape surfing because her basement is full of weird guys. Who may or may not be hot. They are fast, though.

Story[]

Long Story[]

The party stands outside of The Goblin Pit Too, with three terrifying monsters hulking toward them. Well, two terrifying monsters, and one terrifyingly sexy monster. They appear to be horrific, fucked up versions of Knuckles, Tails, and Shadow from the hit video game series Honic the Sedgehog. Shadow is the sexy one, fyi. You knew that.

There's a brief, but violent battle. Selene, in an act of desperate individualism, sends a Fireball into the side of the Goblin Pit, causing wanton destruction. This leaves Ratma Ritmo only slightly upset. Meanwhile, R'Oarc has her eyes on that Shadow creature. She's once again in love, poor girl. And it seems the feeling is mutual, as the creature (unable to speak) begins drooling as it leers at her. T'Chuck puts a stop to this would-be love affair, and also puts a stop to the Shadow monster's life. As in, he kills it. Selene's blood lust is up, and she completely destroys the other two monsters with a quick Lightning Bolt. Savage, Selene.

And that's it. Also, there's some business about Screech wearing the Beholder-doodle costume, but not the mask. So, at this point, everyone knows that Screech is Beholder-doodle. Except, he specifies, Gertie. Screech's ward is there, helping T'Chuck and Ratma put out the fires in the Goblin Pit. But, Bachmann specifies that Gertie DOESN'T know about his secret identity. And if he ever did reveal that to Gertie, say in a past episode and then forgot... then, he told her it was a lie. So, she doesn't know. Somehow. Alright, Bachmann... Alright...

Short[]

The party fights Ratma's three "sexy" Sonic creatures. R'Oarc falls in love with the Shadow Monster, but T'Chuck kills it. During the fight, Selene blasts a hole in the side of the Gobling Pit Too, and starts a fire, but it's not that big a deal.

Trivia[]

  • Day ?? of the campaign.
  • There are some shenanigans with the geography of this episode. It sounded like the cellar door was inside the Goblin Pit Too, but the Quest Board is outside of it. Last episode, they were outside, looking at the board, but then the cellar door opened, so it felt like they were inside? But at the top of this episode, some of them were outside, and some of them were inside? It was confusing, but blessed Michael cleared it all up by saying that the cellar door WAS inside, but the monsters just walked out the front door of the Goblin Pit. So everyone's outside, and it's all fine. It's fine.

In This Episode...[]

Cast and Player Characters[]

Non-Player Characters[]

Locations[]

Inventory[]

T'Chuck Selene von Esper R'Oarc Screech Echo General Inventory
551 gold
Hunting Knife
Heavy Armor[2x06]
+1 Mace of Regnier[2x31]
Diamond worth 300 gp[2x34]
Breast-plate armor[2x34]
Backpack full of various useful things, such as "a tent or two", jerky, bread, cheese, etc.[2x38]
36 Boner Pills[2x61]
5 dead Phase Spiders[2x63]
A pair of disembodied lips, cured for preservation[2x65]
Theonite Collar
Various Books
Devin Decacog's ring from The Farhold Trumpeter[2x14]
Bag of 50 gp[2x22]
7 Boner Pills[2x66]
Torture Knife[2x05]
D20-sized rock of Theonite[2x16]
Theonite Sending Stone[2x17]
Theonite Ring of Protection[2x19]
5 Potions of Greater Healing[2x23]
Homemade "Resuscitation Kit"[2x38]
Crudely copied map of the tunnels around Mineford[2x55]
Handful of different mushrooms from the tunnel walls[2x55]
Penny candies from the Mineford General Store[2x55]
A ton of Screech Bucks, as carnival currency[2x62]
Several Hand-drawn Screech Bucks[2x63]
Single Hand-drawn R'Oarc Buck, worth 100 dollars[2x63]
7 Boner Pills[2x66]
+1 Battle Claws[2x05]
Grappling Hook[2x01?]
Torch[2x16]
Darkvision Goggles[2x59]
Drider's Scimitar[2x66]
7 Boner Pills[2x66]
Map of the tunnels around Mineford[2x55]
Crystal that shows some glowing mushrooms[2x55]
200 gp worth of an unknown "silky smooth, highly valuable substance" from the Brain Collector[2x57]
Drider's Longbow[2x58]
Drider's Chain Mail[2x58]
Drider's Leg Meat[2x58]
Map to Grimshaw Shadowhoof's maze[2x67]

Quest Board[]

  • [Active] - Restore Mineford to it's true potential
    • [Complete] - Kill Ratma's three basement monsters
    • [Active] - Rescue Grimshaw Shadowhoof
    • [Optional] - Mushroom Gathering
    • [Optional] - Reforge the Path to Morendarith
    • [Optional] - Bring a load of ale to the newly opened Goblin city of Thornhaven
  • [On-hold] - Investigate "Bill, the Necromancer", in the far off city by the coast
  • [On-hold] - Take the disembodied lips to the oceanfront, for a burial at sea

Quotes[]

  • "This is like a fucked up Knuckles!" ~ Jennifer Cheek
  • "Who the fuck is Gertie?" ~ Mike Bachmann/Screech Echo
  • "I don't feel so good, Mr Eggman..." ~ Tim Lanning
  • "What I would like is that he stops fighting. He says 'I can't do this, I can't fight you. I-- I must have you. You are the love of my life, I've never seen anyone as beautiful as you, blah blah blah, all of that stuff.' But then what happens is, as soon as he does that, I, of course, don't attack him, because, I'm smitten. I've never been in love more than I have with this Shadow-man-cat-rat thing. And I'm ready to just throw my whole life away, and join him. And we're gonna run around, and we're gonna go so fast, and I'm gonna ride his back while he spins me around and stuff. And then! Someone, whosever turn it is next comes up behind him, and ends up hitting him, and killing him. And I'm like, 'No! My boyfriend!' So, that's how it was going in my head. That's my predicted... That's what I would like the outcome to be." ~ Nika Howard

Rolls[]

Combat Begins vs 3 Dream Monsters

  • Initiative
    • Screech - 26
    • Tails Monster
    • Shadow Monster
    • R'Oarc - 20
    • T'Chuck - 13
    • Knuckles Monster
    • Selene - 6

Round One

  • Screech
    • Melee Attack (Bear Claws) vs the Tails Monster {x2} - 11, 24
      • Miss, Hit - 19 damage
  • Tails Monster
    • Ranged Attack (fucked up crossbow) vs Screech and R'Oarc, requiring Dexterity Saving Throws
      • R'Oarc - 23
        • Success - 33 16 Radiant damage
      • Screech - 22
        • Success - 33 16 Radiant damage
  • Shadow Monster
    • Melee Attack (Chaos Spear) vs T'Chuck - 17
      • Miss
  • R'Oarc
    • Gives Bardic Inspiration to Screech
    • Melee Attack (Rapier) vs Tails Monster - 22
      • Hit - 4 damage
    • Also makes a Charisma check to flirt with the Shadow Monster - 10
      • She does not flirt
  • T'Chuck
    • Casts Bane on all three monsters, requiring Charisma Saving Throws
      • Knuckles Monster - 3
        • Fail - Is Bane'd
      • Tails Monster - 21
        • Success - Is not Bane'd
      • Shadow Monster - 15
        • Fail - Is Bane'd
    • Gives Help to Screech
  • Knuckles Monster
    • Melee Attack (Knuckles) vs T'Chuck {x2} - 26, 15
      • Hit, Miss - 15 Bludgeoning damage
    • Melee Attack (Spin Attack) vs T'Chuck - 14
      • Miss
  • Selene
    • Casts Fireball in the Goblin Pit, hitting all three of the monsters, requiring DC 15 Dexterity Saving Throws
      • Knuckles Monster - <15
        • Fail - 38 Fire damage
      • Tails Monster - <15
        • Fail - 38 Fire damage
      • Shadow Monster - <15
        • Fail - 38 Fire damage
    • Uses a Bonus Action to Telekinetic Shove the Shadow Monster, requiring a DC 15 Strength Saving Throw - 14
      • Fail - It is shoved against the wall, which is on fire, so it takes additional fire damage

Round Two

  • Screech
    • Melee Attack (Bear Claws) vs Shadow Monster {x2} (with Advantage on first attack) - 17, 25
      • Hit, Hit - 12 + 10 damage
  • Tails Monster
    • Melee Attack (Punch) vs Selene - 28
      • Hit - 15 damage
    • Melee Attack (Tail) vs Selene - 22
      • Hit - 13 damage
  • Shadow Monster
    • Melee Attack (Chaos Spear) vs R'Oarc (with Disadvantage) {x2} - 15, 8
      • Hit, Miss - 14 Force damage
  • R'Oarc
    • Makes another Charisma check to flirt with the Shadow Monster again - 16
      • Against the Shadow Monster's roll of some kind - ??
        • He fails his roll, and now he's drooling a lot
  • T'Chuck
    • Casts Inflict Wounds (at 3rd level) on the Shadow Monster - 24
      • Hit - 29 Necrotic damage - Kills it
    • Gives Help to Screech
    • Runs inside to put out some of the fires
  • Knuckles Monster
    • Melee Attack (Knuckles) vs Screech {x2} - 12, <12
      • Miss, Miss
  • Selene
    • Casts Lightning Bolt on the two remaining monsters, requiring DC 15 Dexterity Saving Throws from them
      • Tails Monster - 11
        • Fail - 27 Lightning damage - Kills it
      • Knuckles Monster - <11
        • Fail - 27 Lightning damage - Kills it

Combat Ends

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